I love men, truly.
In my many years on this mortal coil, loads of dudes have passed through my life. I have worked with them, been friends with lots, ogled the shiny ones (I am talking to you Dwayne Johnson) married two of them, and crossed swords with more than I can count across a boardroom table. I have used them, been used by them, admired more than a few, and always made a point to verbally throat punch the ones who needed it. I may also have physically thrashed one who deserved it. (Let’s just say that last one needed a lesson in how to treat a woman and will make him think twice about trying to hurt one in the future.)
With all of these varied males who came into my world, I now consider myself a bit of a connoisseur of the hairier sex and have a few observations.
I believe men are born with the innate understanding that they will live their lives prevailing in any path they choose. Even before their feet hit the ground each morning, they revel in the fact that their exceptionally formed and attractive junk somehow makes them destined for success and glory. Or at least I hope that is how they feel, because wouldn’t it be awesome not to question yourself and not over think everything? You go buddy, this is your destiny, use it wisely.
Another interesting, and highly amusing concept is that guys haven’t a clue in the world how female brains work. We confound them at every turn, and they are never quite sure how to manage their relationships with us, and we know it. This is how we even up the power balance because they got more muscles than we did. If we really need to set off a man’s brain and turn it into a garbage fire, we just ask him if our new jeans make us look fat… and we wait for the sweat to start. Mission accomplished.
Speaking of bodies, I love men’s bodies of all sorts, fat, thin, tall, shortish, whatever – they all have their own appeal. The ones I admire the most are confident about whatever their genes have given them. For example, I know of one chunky dude who does co-ed nude yoga. To him I say: “Own it buddy, you can drop the mic after doing the downward dog in front of a whole bunch of ladies.” Men – generally – spend less time bellyaching about their flabby bits, and that makes them a special kind of magic. It also makes them attractive as hell.
It isn’t all sunshine though. For example, I genuinely think sometimes men get the crap kicked out of them by the world. They feel they have to live up to impossible standards, be tough, not cry, but also be soft and kind too, and also change tires. What is a guy to do with all this? Then we want them to also be virile, have a great job, provide, and move heavy stuff. Still more layers of expectation. And the final straw of misery is that they can’t even have a near fatal case of the sniffles without the rest of us telling them they only have a cold and aren’t going to literally die. How on earth do they cope?
Sometimes I see men, particularly young ones, doing a whole lot of chest pounding. They strut around like gorillas, grandstanding in front of the other males. One might suppose that years of evolution drives this behaviour. What I do know is that men feel pressure from society expecting them to be strong, successful, rich, charming and sexy all at the same time, and sometimes the stress of it shows. To gentlemen and boys, we notice when you brag, grandstand, overpower and especially when you treat your woman badly. Sometimes you do this because you have not handled your pressure, so deal with it and stop being a douche.
Most of all, the top item on my list of wonderful features in the male of the species is their sense of humour. Women have our own brand of self-deprecating and wickedly funny humour, but the guys take hilarity to the next level. Sometimes that level is down, but who doesn’t love a good fart joke? It is a fact that funny men get more than their fair share of the women. Chris Farley for example was the epitome of short, fat and not particularly attractive by societal standards, but that guy was hot. Why? Because he made the world laugh. Robin Williams, not known for his buff physique made millions of women fall in love with his funny and tragic monologues. The funny guys win the day -always.
Our world has so many interesting people of all genders, and to generalize is probably no longer appropriate during modern times, but I think it is ok when there is an undercurrent of admiration, good humour and respect.
I am the first person to crack a joke about dude-nude yoga, but you have to admire the confidence that makes good men into our heroes.