Thanksgiving Weekend – My Guilty Pleasure

Thanksgiving Weekend – My Guilty Pleasure

No, it’s not because it happens to be the “all pleather weekend” in our bedroom… I appreciate  Thanksgiving weekend for a whole other reason. Don’t hate me for this, okay? I love it because I don’t do ANYTHING. Seriously… we have no relatives where we live. So that sad and onerous “who is cooking the bird this year?” conversation NEVER happens at our house. If it did, the answer would be “not me.” As I sit and swish wine around in my glass, I listen to my friends losing their shit over family-pressured weekend arrangements. To explain how this goes down, here is a comparative schedule of a typical thanksgiving long weekend: Thursday: My friends are menu planning and running to get groceries between soccer and dance. I watch Grey’s Anatomy. Friday: My friends are cleaning their homes or packing the kids for the road trip to the Mother-in-Law’s (who is anxiously waiting for them to arrive so she can disapprove of something). My phone will ring a number of times that evening and I will listen to the girls complain about flopped pies or husbands who can’t match two socks in to their overnight bag. As for me, I check the larder and bar shelf to make sure we won’t run out of essentials (i.e. chips and wine). Saturday: By this time, friends who are expected to have the whole family over are now hitting critical overload. The phone is ringing at my house. I don’t  mind chatting, since I am having a  leisurely breakfast in my dirty kitchen, and all I have to accomplish is downloading the movie choices for the weekend. Sunday: My phone is silent, but I know what my friends are doing. The ones out of town visiting are just about done trying to keep the kids quiet at some Aunt’s house while thinking of ways to kill me. The cooking friends, up since five, are up to their elbows in turkey ass. They too are thinking of ways to kill me with the silverware as they polish it. My Sunday feels like a Saturday because I don’t have to go to work on Monday. Ahhh. Stretch, yawn, turnover, repeat . . . Bonus: this night we feed the kids pizza and go see a movie. My friends, on the other hand, are drunk, sweaty, have not enjoyed their meals, and are counting the hours until it is over. Monday: The travelling families begin to make their way home. Their rides are quiet, because . . . well, this: “You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut, did you have to goad uncle Joe, you knew he was already drunk, God I don’t know why we do this every...
8 Slang Terms Your Teen Uses – Do You Know What Fleek Means?

8 Slang Terms Your Teen Uses – Do You Know What Fleek Means?

Do you know what OTP means? How about fleek? Yeah, me neither…. You know why? Because we are old, my friends… Ancient. As. Hell. As adults, our internal vault of slang fills up over the decades, but we rarely hit the “refresh” button on that list to add the latest lingo. Maybe we fear looking like we are trying too hard to be modern by talking like the kids at the bus stop. But modernize we must, we can’t keep using the word “groovy” like Cheech and Chong and not be a mockery. My personal jargon vault has somewhat refreshed since I no longer describe something worth remarking as “Totally Tubular.” Suzanne Summers and I both had to move on without our headbands and leg warmers. I was hanging with my daughter and her teen friends (or maybe I was chillaxin’ – whatever) and I used the term “word.” Apparently this should have been ejected from my vault too. That expression, and posse poses were so 90’s apparently. Mom fail. What’s a Mom to do? We overcome and adapt like the bad-asses we are. So I decided to dive in and save y’all from the humiliating lesson I had to learn in researching this piece, but first I have to tell you how it happened. It started when I said “Oh that’s cool” to the gaggle of female juveniles on our pool deck. They snickered quietly and a brave one said “like, nobody says ‘like cool’ anymore, it is so, like, old school.” At which point I wanted to reach over and flick her nose piercing. Do they all have to say “like” in every sentence? I keep waiting for one of them to get stuck in a loop and just stand there saying “like, like, like, like, like” as a record scratch. Oh wait… record scratch. So vintage. It was time to figure this shit out. Determined to document this properly, I pulled out more evidence of my age and slammed my readers on, prepared my notebook and pen, ready to begin the lesson. Defined with usage examples, I present you with my findings about teen slang that will crown you as coolest of the Momsters: Goals When something looks good. Use like this: “Your outfit/hair/purse is goals.” (The grammar murder in the usage of this term is a travesty but stick with me… it gets worse.) On Point Anything that looks good, which is somehow different from goals. Use like this: “Your outfit is on point today.” (Pointy outfit – check.) On Fleek When something looks good. Use like this: “Your eyebrows are on fleek and your hair is goals.” (I will now run to the mirror to see if...
If You Are a Mom, You Should Vote

If You Are a Mom, You Should Vote

Listen up all of you who are the owners of uteruses (even if you haven’t used yours), we have a job to do that goes well beyond diapers and helping our kids with homework. We need to use our Mom voices (you know the one, where you address your child with their full name) and make them heard by the politicians. This post is for Moms in America, and really everywhere, and the message is simple. “Vote: because you can!” In particular, women’s issues in any elections are important and we all need to know what they are. For instance: Which candidate will ensure your girl child has the same rights as your boy? If they think women should be barefoot and pregnant and don’t belong in University or the workplace, write a big “L” on their forehead and move on. Which elected person will steer the bus and keep it moving forward, and who will crash it into a fuel tanker and burn it all to the ground? I think we all know women are better drivers, so think about that. Who will take away rights and freedoms of vulnerable women, or limit their ability to make decisions about their own bodies? If you don’t know which candidates stand where on these issues, don’t ask your pastor or your local white dude who runs the business association, they have agendas. Do the research yourself. Who will pander to the extremists and get mowed down by special interest groups? Don’t know what I am talking about? Think Westboro Baptists and the NRA. As a Mother, knowing the facts and voting accordingly should be all of our concern. We have 50% of the voice in society and this is how we can use it. Your children should see you voting, your country needs you to vote, and if you have not been fooled by the bluster, your vote should count for something. Women for generations fought to have the right to tick the box for their preferred candidate, so it makes you kind of a jackass if you don’t use your voice and make a choice. The whole circus is going to get louder leading up to the Presidential elections. Mothers of the US must step up with megaphones, armed with the facts, and vote like the powerhouses that we are.   This post was originally published on...