Insecurity – you can’t run,  you can’t hide

Insecurity – you can’t run, you can’t hide

Are you insecure? I have some good and bad news for you. The good news is that you are not alone and most people are insecure about stuff. The bad news is everybody can see your insecurities, even when you think you are pretty skilled hiding them. There are literally thousands of manifestations of insecurity. It is so heavily demonstrated by the average human I am surprised there isn’t some giant list of things humans are insecure about… Oh wait… Facebook. Never mind. We show our insecurities in our body language, in what we choose to say, who we pick as a partner, what we drive… all of it. You might as well be carrying a great big sign that says “I worry I am not good enough, please reassure me”.  Not everybody has it too badly, but for those who have crippling insecurity, it can wreck marriages, careers and friendships. So if you are sitting there all grumped up because I said people can tell you are insecure, then you are the person that most needs to read this.  By the way. If you aren’t sure what I mean, here are 5 VERY obvious signs of insecurity. Constant fiddling with your clothing, or your hair or touching your face. Feeling the need to ensure everybody hears how qualified you are on a particular topic, or how experienced. Freaking out if somebody doesn’t text you back immediately Not applying for that next job Seeking reassurance about your value and being generally high maintenance. Recognize any of that? People notice that stuff you know. Women are so often insecure about our bodies, or our right to speak up, we wonder if it is our place to say something controversial. We are insecure about our roles if we are working, or staying at home, we even worry about how people judge our children. Men are insecure about their dicks and sometimes about being bald or short or whatever. They often seem to compensate it all away with the simple purchase of a big truck or a fast car. So there’s that. The worrying and negative inner dialogue that goes on in people’s brains is astounding. Can you imagine if we could hear people’s thoughts? No… let’s not. Nobody would have any friends. And the worst is that we think everybody else is so confident! Introverts grumble into their collars at the loud talking extroverts all the while wondering how they can own a room with such ease. The talkers wonder how the introverts keep such a cool groove all the time. None of us really knows what is going on but we often feel like we are somehow not part of it....
No more bad boyfriends – date bald guys in loud shirts

No more bad boyfriends – date bald guys in loud shirts

Dating Advice, on the internet. What a novel idea! Thank you for setting aside all your jaded presuppositions by clicking on this.  I hope you find some helpful bits if you are struggling on the dating scene. This post isn’t an answer to a reader question, but it should be. I have a friend who chooses bad boyfriends, and I really want her to write in and ask me what she should do. She won’t, so I am just going to pretend she did. Stick with me ok? The question for those who have serial relationships that all turn sour is this: Why do I keep choosing guys who are evil and emotionally unavailable blah blah blah? Bitch Slap for ya: It is because your worst inner self is fed by being treated badly. This is not a complex issue, In fact the psychology degree I got in this morning’s cereal box gave me all the smarts I needed to observe this phenomenon. I bet the last three articles you read before landing here probably told you the same thing. Oh, and if you carry on reading other sites to see if you can get a different answer:  for $20 I will email an answer you want to hear instead. Because it is possible you are an idiot and would send me money to hear that bad boys can be changed and remade into nice guys. Bitch Slap number 2: They can’t be changed. Oh, and as they age they get meaner, uglier, and there will still be women out there who want to touch their pee pee, so they will cheat on you. So what do you do? Clearly you still have what it takes to get a man, you just have the wrong juju out there and are pulling assholes out of the random dude lottery. How about trying something new? Seek out a funny guy. Somebody who maybe doesn’t excite you with his Harley but remembers how you take your coffee and makes you laugh? People who are funny – and I mean really entertaining, usually have a significant amount of life experience on which to draw for their humour. This makes them interesting. Try dating a few funny dudes. Maybe for extra fun, get one that is bald, and wears Hawaiian shirts. Those guys don’t give a shit and are awesome fun at parties. They don’t need to be cool, they just want to be happy. And they usually want you to be happy too. If you find a funny guy who is legitimately single, doesn’t live in his parents’ basement, and has workable chemistry with you, give him a whirl. If you have a nice...