Your Toddler is a Tyrant

Your Toddler is a Tyrant

The mind of a 3 year old child is like the diapered version of Mordor in Lord of the Rings – one does not simply walk in and make him do anything. As a veteran mother, I often amuse myself in public places by watching, with no small amount of glee the younger Moms with their infants and toddlers. Sometimes I laugh so hard my saggy old boobs jiggle in my sensible bra. I think it is so cute when little Caiden or Caylen or Raven or whatever their...
How To Make Friends When You Are a Mom

How To Make Friends When You Are a Mom

If your life follows the Motherhood trajectory, you find a partner and push out tiny humans, or adopt them or whatever. Either way – you are now in the Mom Zone. You need friends, sister. You need them bad. In order to help you in your friend hunting strategy, I am going to give you some clear Do and Don’ts. Shun my advice at your own risk: Prenatal classes: Do Not – repeat Do Not seek out friendships with these people. None...
Why Can’t I Master Woman Stuff?

Why Can’t I Master Woman Stuff?

I was never a tomboy as a kid. I couldn’t throw a ball with any accuracy, wouldn’t be able to tell you the difference between the infield and a forward guard, and am relatively sure I am mixing up sports here. I accept my ineptitude in all things sporty butch. But I am even more useless in areas that are usually the domain of women. In fact, with all this chatter about “identifying as something other than what you...
Leo DiCaprio Got Fat

Leo DiCaprio Got Fat

So did Vincent D’Onofrio. They started off lean and mean, but made the catastrophic error of eating carbs and steak. Now they rock Jabba the Hutt level jowls. Seriously those flesh pockets jiggle on well after the actors stop talking. Of course, being movie stars, they have been sent down the trap door of shame to wallow in their extra large Dad bods. Oh wait… no they haven’t. The film industry trap door of grey hair and fat...
When I Run My Own Country

When I Run My Own Country

Don’t you sometimes look around your world and just want to fix stuff? I mean we are all citizens of some place, yet we don’t often think about how everything could be made better if the people in charge did something about it. They have the reins on truly important items that make the world tick, why can’t they do something about the broken stuff? I guess my real question is: How could lives be made better for the good people...
Money is Power in a Marriage

Money is Power in a Marriage

Money is power in a relationship. And the person who earns the most money, generally holds the balance of that power. Another reality is, the partner who elects to stay out of the workforce to be home with the children is usually the woman of the pair. This may be a generalization, but demographics bear me out on that one. I see lots of young women getting into the marriage and baby years, and they are not having those preliminary negotiations...
8 New Year’s Resolutions You Can Actually Keep

8 New Year’s Resolutions You Can Actually Keep

Every time we see the light from an incoming new year, all the lemmings scramble to plan their perky fresh start. Year after year we will join a gym, quit smoking, clean up our lives and finally deal with those nasty personal shortcomings. We tell ourselves: “this will be the year!” But we all know how this is going to play out don’t we? Great plans are made, but even with all the resolve and will power, it all slides off the rails by February....
Five Cautionary Tales From Holiday Cartoons

Five Cautionary Tales From Holiday Cartoons

Every year the holiday festive season comes crashing through the door and delivers a whole box of impossible expectations for the perfect Christmas. Rather than deal with it by actually getting the house clean and checking the decoration boxes for mouse poop, I hide on the sofa and watch old TV Christmas cartoons. Have you ever thought about what lessons these shows are teaching? They seem heartwarming, but they should really be classified as...